Monday, January 16, 2012

Our Story, Part V: A Hard Decision & Epilogue

Here we are, the very last installation of "Our Story." I really did not intend it to be this long in the beginning but I guess I had a lot to say. :) I hope y'all enjoy Part V!


In case you need to catch up...
Our Story, Part I
Our Story, Part II
Our Story, Part III
Our Story, Part IV

While he was gone, life went from bearable to bad to worse. I was willing to blame the fact that the new found love of my life was on the other side of the world. Everyone else did. The truth is, the fact that I had him to talk to (even though he was so far away) made things a bit more tolerable. While he was overseas we were fortunate enough to Skype almost every day. It was difficult with both of our work schedules, but we always managed to find a few minutes to chat. And then there was email and gchat too. :) But even though I tried putting on a happy face for him (which I didn't do very well, I cried almost every time we talked), other things in my life were getting so bad that I felt like I was at the bottom of a very deep hole.

In January 2010 he came home safe and sound and I flew up to Ohio to see him. I assumed that things in my life would turn around. After all, the only reason I was depressed was because he was gone, right? Wrong. As things in my life went from bad to worse to omg-how-can-i-keep-doing-this, our relationship suffered. It's difficult to be in a fairly new, long distance relationship with someone who is miserable and more than likely suffering from depression. But we stuck it out. After all, our little baby relationship had survived a deployment in it's infancy, we could get through this too. (And little did I know he already had a ring.) ;)

In March of that year I spent my spring break in Ohio. The week was full of ups and downs. I was laughing and having a great time one minute, and then would break down in tears the next. He, of course, already knew how bad things were but we didn't talk about it much that week. This was my time to get away and regroup. As I was trying to leave to drive back to Georgia, standing there sobbing, he asked me to please consider moving up to Ohio. I asked him if he was sure, and he said yes. That was the first time I ever actually considered it.

This was not the first time he had asked me to consider moving. Every other time (and there were several) I had become very angry with him and insisted that I could not leave the situation I was in and that he just didn't understand! How could he! It didn't matter if I was miserable! I had the job everyone wanted. You don't just quit something like that. Only people who are weak quit and I am not one of those people. My best friend had also asked constantly why I didn't leave and go somewhere else, and I gave her the same answers.

But on that drive home in March, I called my mom and told her I wanted to leave. I was so nervous making that call. I honestly thought she would yell and scream and be furious. Wrong. She was supportive, almost relieved. I told her that I couldn't take it anymore and that I finally felt like I had a way out. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. She told me later that she had been really worried about me and that leaving was probably a good idea, and that she would do what she could to help. Then I called my best friend, and she was definitely relieved. She had been more than a little worried about me.

I waited almost two weeks to tell my dad and stepmom. They were less than pleased. We had several major arguements about it but in the end I left anyway. I'm glad I did. I really think it saved my sanity. I was at odds with my parents for a while over this, but I think we're past it now and I hope they understand.

Then I did it. I talked to my boss (who was surprisingly sensitive to my issue) and told him I wanted to leave for personal reasons. That this just wasn't the right spot for me and I just couldn't do it anymore. I completely broke down in his office. He offered to set up a couple sessions with our psychologist, and I jumped at the chance. All I had to do after that was make plans to move to Ohio.


EPILOGUE:
I started this blog on that March trip to Ohio, and the rest is history really. I moved, got a job and started reclaiming my life and my sanity. Somewhere along the way we got engaged, endured another deployment, and were married. And for all the stuff in-between...I blogged about it. :)

4 comments:

  1. ! I loved reading your story. Seriously. I feel like I know you a lot more now! :) So glad that things between you and your now-hubs worked out.

    Now...I need the following:
    Photos of your ring
    How he proposed
    How your condition is doing (improved?)
    How you and your family are managing you being so far away (I have a hard time with this.. I've moved across country once, but I'm near different immediate family. Looking at moving again and I won't be near anyone this time...)
    Photos of any and all animals you may own
    Any things you've had to get used to or didnt expect since you've been living with the hubs
    MORE CAKE POP INFO (I've never made one! :D)

    Apparently I am needy ;)

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    1. Reese you are too funny! I think I'm just going to go ahead and email you responses! :)

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  2. Too cute! You are kinda a crazy gal! I don't think I could have done what you did so soon into the relationship, but when you know you know. It's SUCH a great story.

    Also- I agree with Reese. A proposal story!

    Happy to be following,
    Allison

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    1. aw thanks! don't worry, looking back, even I think I'm crazy. ;) thanks for reading!

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